This morning I sent Haven, Mathes and Gracen out into the backyard to play and made sure the gate was locked on both the top and bottom, then went inside to finish getting breakfast cleaned up and try and get myself dressed. I could see them from the window as they played, and I could also hear them, so I am able to keep an eye on them from most of the rooms in the house. Haven came back in shortly after because she wanted to draw, but Mathes and Gracen were happily riding their trikes in the courtyard so I went ahead and started to get dressed. Just as I was undressed and trying to find my jeans I hear a truck honking. After 5 or 6 honks I look out my window to see what he’s going on about and there is Gracen, standing in the middle of the road with a huge semi truck stopped right in front of her, doing all of the honking. I don’t know how I ran that fast, I have never been so scared in my life, but I managed to throw on whatever clothes were right there as I bolted out the back door in a total panic. Apparently Mathes had somehow managed to unlock both locks on the gate, which is only a Houdini like feat since I can barely manage to unlock them myself without a lot of pulling and lifting at the same time on the heavy wooden gate, so how he managed to unlock BOTH of the locks is beyond me.
When I got out there Mathes was sitting in the back of the Suburban playing with some toy he had found there, while Gracen played chicken in the street with the semi. I will tell you there were serious spanks for both of them and if ANYONE wants to pick a fight with me on the merits of spanking, go ahead, but know this, time-out was NOT going to make any kind of lasting impression on either child, and their safety is at stake here, so think/say what you want I really don’t care. And believe me, Craig and I have done everything we can to ensure the safety of our children, and I cannot even fathom how that child got those locks undone, I’m baffled. So after I got both of the little ones back inside, I hyperventilated, called my husband, and cried my eyes out to him on the phone because I’m completely terrified of my son and his ability to get into these scary situations (really, I’m still crying). Craig is picking up a new dead bolt lock/key combo on his way home from work today, and we think this will keep the gate locked no matter how hard Mathes tries to undo it. How do you get it across to an almost 4 year old the danger he had put himself and his little sister in? I am so scared for him, and somedays I wonder how am I ever going to get him to the age of 10 let alone adulthood? Please tell me I’m not alone in these awful situations. I feel like such a faliure as a mother right now and I can’t stop crying about it, all I can think about is what could have happened. I hate days like this, you have a knot in your stomach for what feels like forever.